Mesaje comice din avion
Urmatorul articol mi-a fost adus de betty si tot ea s-a oferit sa il traduca exclusiv pentru voi in romana. 
Ca urmare unele poante si-au mai pierdut putin din farmec si de aceea voi adauga la final si forma originala daca vreti sa gustati si din ea. Astazi avem mesaje comice spuse de catre piloti la decolari sau aterizari, mesaje comice de pus la status chiar. 
1. Pilot: “Prieteni, am atins altitudinea de zbor, a?a c? voi stinge semnul care semnific? pozi?ia centurii. Sim?i?i-v? liberi s? v? plimbati pe unde dori?i, dar v? rug?m s? r?mâne?i în interiorul avionului pana aterizam. Este un pic frig afara, ?i daca v? plimba?i pe aripi, ve?i afecta direc?ia de zbor a avionului.”
2. “Vremea la destina?ia noastra este de 10 grade, cer plin de nori, dar vor încerca s?-i risipeasc? înainte s? ateriz?m. V? mul?umim, ?i ?ine?i minte, nimeni nu v? iube?te pe voi ?i pe banii dumneavoastr? mai mult decât Liniile Southwest.”
3. În timp ce avionul ateriza ?i mai avea pu?in ?i se oprea în aeroportul Washington Na?ional, se auzi o voce prin speaker: “ Prrr..uria?ule, u?urel”.
4. Dup? o anumit? aterizare grea în timpul unei furtuni cu tunete ?i fulgere, în Memphis, o stewardez? de la c?ile aeriene Northwest, a anun?at: “ V? rug?m ave?i grij? când deschide?i compartimentele de deasupra capului, dup? o astfel de aterizare, mai mult ca sigur toate s-au sucit.”
5. Din partea unui angajat de la liniile aeriene Southwest: “Ar putea fi 50 de metode de a-?i p?r?si persoana iubit?, dar acest avion are doar 4.”
6. Din partea unui angajat de la liniile aeriene Southwest: “Bine a?i venit la bord [….]. Pentru a activa centura de siguran??, insera?i clema de metal în cataram?, ?i strânge?i bine. Func?ioneaz? ca orice alt? centur? de siguran?? ?i dac? nu ?titi s? o manevra?i, probabil nu ar trebui sa fi?i l?sa?i nesupravegheat în public. În cazul unei pierderi de presiune a cabinei, m??tile de oxigen vor coborî din tavan. Înceta?i ?ipetele, apuca?i masca, ?i trage?i-o pe cap. Dac? ave?i un copil, asigura?i-l pe el mai întâi. Dac? c?l?tori?i cu doi copii, decide?i acum pe care îl iubi?i mai mult”.
7. Dup? aterizare: “V? mul?umim ca a?i ales Delta Business Express. Sper?m c? v-a f?cut pl?cere sa face?i o afecere cu noi, la fel de mult cât ne-a pl?cut ?i nou? s? v? plimb?m”.
8. “Scaunul pe care sta?i poate fi folosit ca obiect plutitor. În cazul unei ateriz?ri de urgen?? în mare, v? rug?m lua?i-l, împreun? cu salut?rile noastre.”
9. “În timp ce ie?i?i din avion, v? rug?m s? v? asigura?i c? a?i strâns toate lucrurile care v? apar?in. Orice l?sa?i în urm?, va fi împ?r?it în mod egal printre angaja?ii no?trii. V? rug?m nu l?sa?i copii sau so?ii.”
10. Dup? o aterizare cu adev?rat zdruncinat? în Pheonix, angajatul de zbor a spus:”Doamnelor ?i domnilor, v? rug?m s? r?mâne?i la locurile voastre pân? când c?pitanul nostru <
11. “Ultimul care coboar? din avion trebuie s?-l cure?e.”
12. Din partea unui pilot în mesajul de bun-venit: “ Suntem încânta?i s? avem unii dintre cei mai buni pilo?i de pe pia??. Din p?cate nici unul din ei nu se afl? în acest zbor.”
13. Aceasta a fost auzit? la liniile aeriene americane în Amarillo, Texas, într-o anumit? zi cu vânt puternic. Spre sfâr?itul ateriz?rii, c?pitanul chiar a trebuit s? se chinuie. Dup? o extrem de grea aterizare, stewardeza anun?a: “Doamnelor ?i domnilor, bine a?i venit la Amarillo. V? rug?m s? r?mâne?i la locurile voastre, cu centurile de siguran?? puse, pân? când c?pitanul nostru sfor?eaz? ce-a mai r?mas din avion la poart?. “
14. Un pilot al liniilor aeriene a scris c? într-un anumit zbor, ?i-a pilotat for?at un avion pe pist? destul de greu. Firma avea o regul? care cerea unui ghid de zbor sa stea la la u??, zâmbind, în timp ce pasagerii ie?eau ?i le zicea o replic? de genu “ Mul?umim c? a?i ales XYZ”. Zicea c? în urma unei asemenea ateriz?ri, îi era greu s? priveasc? oamenii în ochi, gândindu-se c? cineva va avea de f?cut un comentariu ?iret. Într-un final to?i au coborât, cu excep?ia unei b?trâne mergând în baston. Ea a zis: “Fiule, am aterizat sau am fost doborâ?i de gloan?e?”
15. Un alt comentariu venind din partea unui ajutor de zbor, în urma unei ateriz?ri nu chiar pefecte: “ V? rug?m s? r?mâne?i a?eza?i în timp ce c?pitanul “Cangur” ne salt? pân? la terminal”
16. Extras din anun?ul f?cut de înso?itorul de zbor la ajungerea la destina?ie: “Prieteni, am vrea s? v? mul?umim c? a?i zburat al?turi de noi azi. ?i data viitoare când sim?i?i dorin?a nebun? de a zbura printre nori, într-un tub de metal presurizat, sper?m c? v? ve?i gândi la noi, cei de la liniile aeriene US”
English version for english people
Funny airplane announcements
Now and then, airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight safety presentation and their other announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some of the better ones that are flying around the web:
Pilot: “Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land. It’s a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern.”
“Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but they’ll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you or your money more than Southwest Airlines.”
As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: “Whoa, big fella. Whoa!”
After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced: “Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted.”
From a Southwest Airlines employee: “There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane.”
From a Southwest Airlines employee: “Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX to YYY. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt and if you don’t know how to operate one, you probably shouldn’t be out in public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two small children, decide now which one you love more.”
After landing: “Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.”
“Your seat cushions can be used for flotation. In the event of an emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments.”
“As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.”
After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the flight attendant got on the PA and said, “Ladies and gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt up against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we’ll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.”
“Last one off the plane must clean it.”
From the pilot during his welcome message: “We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately none of them are on this flight.”
This was overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day. During the final approach, the captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the flight attendant came on the PA and announced, “Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seatbelts fastened while the captain taxis what’s left of our airplane to the gate!”
An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a, “Thanks for flying XYZ airline.” He said that in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally, everyone had gotten off except for this little old lady walking with a cane. She said, “Sonny, did we land or were we shot down?”
Another flight attendant’s comment on a less than perfect landing: “We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal.”
Part of a flight attendant’s arrival announcement: “We’d like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you’ll think of us here at US Airways.”
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